Hurtful Things

It boggles me how when a loved one passes away, other’s are there for you the day it happened and up until the day after the Memorial or Funereal. I’m not taking about just acquaintances and friends, I’m also talking about family members. Some can get ugly, cold and even say hurtful things. Not that I think they mean or even want to do or say the things they say, at least I would hope not! After a the service of the loved one who’s passed, those people, including family leave the service and go on with their daily lives. We the grievers   also have daily lives to continue on with, but for us it takes time to process the loss, the hurt, the guilt, the heartache, the anger, the void and so on. Not saying that those  acquaintances, friends and family members don’t hurt, I’m sure they do! But put yourself in the shoes of a daughter who’s just lost her mother who was her best friend, or a sister who just lost her younger brother, or of a father who just lost his son. Think about how you feel about that loss who was your aunt, your cousin, your uncle, your nephew, your niece. The pain and heartache you feel about those losses are 10 x more painful and heartbreaking for those who were the daughter, the sister, the father. These other’s also have to take into consideration on the cause of the loss also! Different kind of losses, cause different kind of heartache and pain. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you want other’s to comfort you? I think that answer would be, yes.  I always say…. Don’t judge the shoes I’ve walked in, until you walked in a pair exactly like mine. I don’t expect those who never lost a parent, sibling, or child to understand, but I do expect respect for those of us who have. I do know this…. I feel quiet sorry for those who say and do hurtful things to those who lost a parent, sibling, or child, because one day they too are going to loss each one of those family members, and they are possibly going to be eating their own words. They are also going to find themselves hearing and having other’s say and do hurtful things to them, and they too are going lash out at those who have done those things. I would not be one of those people because I know first hand what it’s like to lose a parent and a sibling. I do not know what it’s like to lose a child, but my father has lost his son, a family I grew up with has lost a son, and a dear friend of mine has lost a daughter, and I can honestly say that I have never said or would have said anything hurtful to any of them! My children are 17 and 11 years old, and my children are still here with me. I pray to God everyday to watch over my children and keep them safe, because I do not want to know what it feels like to lose a child! I know the heartache and the pain I bare everyday knowing that I lost my younger and only brother, who was like a child to me. So, please, people watch the words and actions for those who are grievers of these kind of losses.

Don’t Want To Forget

As I was sitting here the other day, I got a whiff of a perfume scent that smelled much like an older woman would wear. The first thought that came to my mind was my grandmother Madeline Rose, but I wasn’t sure if it was her sent, for I don’t remember what the scent of her smelled like anymore. It will be 13 years since she’s been gone in November and there are many things I don’t remember about her, but yet I do. It’s sad that after so many years go by there are things you forget, and very little you remember. In August of 2011 I lost my mother and in February of 2012 I lost my only brother. I still remember a lot about them, but then it’s only been 3 years of my mother’s passing and 2 years of my brother’s passing. I often get whiffs of scents I can remember about them. What happens years later? Will I still remember many things about them? I’ve been told many times to move on and let go. I must say for the most part, I have moved on, but letting go of them I don’t see myself ever doing. To me letting go means to stop loving. You don’t let go of a person you were apart of and always will be apart of, you let go of a old relationship, a bad habit, a friend who’s done you wrong, etc. I know I probably get on peoples nerves because I’m always talking about and sharing photos of

My Grandmother Madeline Rose

my mother and brother, but it’s only because I don’t want to ever forget things about them like I have my grandmother.

Mom’s 1st Angelversary

Timmy’s 1st Angelversary

2nd Angelversary

Hero Of This Story

Always With You

A poem a dear friend of mine wrote for my brother’s 2nd Angelversary

t’s been two years since Tim was taken away
His angel wings flying high
Although he can not be here
He’s always by your side

He is always with you
Wherever you may go
The sun, the moon, the stars
And all the trees that grow

As days go by
and time has passed
A brothers love
Was made to last

He may not be able
To say it out loud
His signs are all around you
Without a doubt

When you get that warm feeling
Tim is there holding you tight
To let you know
Everything will be alright

A shining star in heaven
Just look up
And you’ll see
The brightest star in the sky
Forever Tim will be

Written by Lily Ann Gill

Sept 25~National Day Of Remembrance for Murder Victims

Today my heart is heavy, for it is the day I will remember all those who lost their loved ones to murder. I often heard and read stories on those who lost loved ones to murder and though how sad for that family, and go on with my life. On the morning of February 10 2012 I never imagine that I’d be one one of those families I felt sorry for, and hoped to never be. I lost my only younger brother to murder the morning of February 10 2012 and my life had forever changed. It’s amazing how you can think you know what someone should do, act or feel in that situation until you are in that situation yourself.  I have become a volunteer to our local non-profit organization here in our county, and many tell me that it’s not a good thing because it’s just a constant remind of my brother’s murder. I find it funny….. My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 11 and I since then have become a volunteer for the Autism Society of Berks in our County, and never have I heard anyone tell me it’s not a good thing because it’s a constant reminder of my son being on the Autism Spectrum. Well, here’s my outlook on the whole volunteer and non-profit organizations.

 

I volunteer my time to 2 non-profit organizations here in Berks County…. Years of Tears and Autism Society of Berks. The Autism Society of Berks after my 16 yo son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and YOT after the homicide of my brother. Some people have a hard time volunteering their time on organization like this because they feel it is a constant reminder of what happened or what is. Even though some may look at it in that way….. I don’t. I’m going to be reminded of what happened or what is no matter if I volunteer my time or not. That’s like saying I shouldn’t help a CHD organization because it would be a constant reminder of my heart condition. If everyone thought like this there would be no organizations for those to help people who have children on the Autism Spectrum, or help people who lost their loved ones to homicide, etc. It takes special strong person such as myself to volunteer my time to organizations like this. When my son was 1st diagnosed I didn’t know where to go or which way to turn. When my brother was 1st murdered I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it, but with the help of those who volunteered their time to both those organizations, I was able to get where I am today. I was able to stay strong and help those who needed help next. I am proud to be a part of these organizations and help those today, get through where I had been. Volunteers don’t get paid, but the work is priceless Pay it forward!

 

Remembering all those who lost their lives due to a senseless act of violence such as homicide! Rest In Peace

In Memory of a life so beautifully lived

Timothy B. Reber 08.15.80~02.10.12

National Grief Awareness Day

The shirt I last saw my beloved brother in

It’s been a little over 2 years that my mother had passed and a little over a year and half of my brother’s homicide. It seems so long ago and yet, seems just like yesterday. I had thought by now that I would pass the stage of disbelief, shock, and all those other stages that come with grief. I’ve done pretty well at holding myself together and doing it with my head held high. It had seemed for the pass few days, those days when I had loss my mother and brother had flashed back right before my eyes! Why was this? It’s been 2 years and a year and half! I should be pass this, right? Could it be because I had to take the kids back to school shopping without my mother? Was it because I cleaned my closet and came across the shirt I last saw my brother in? Our was just because they had been apart of my life for so many years, and now it’s different? Whatever the reason was, it hit once again! The pass few nights were sleepless ones and the days of questioning. Why? Then it came to me, it’s because that’s what grieving does! Grieving doesn’t last a day,a month, or even a year! It last forever! You know why? Because the love you felt for that lost loved one/ones, last forever! Does it get better? Yes, it does, but very different. And, with that, I’ve come to understand that I am always going to grieve the loss of my mother and brother, and that’s okay. It’s the roller coaster we call life, and your roller coaster ride makes you the person you are to be.

 

National Grief Awareness Day

The One Who Made Life Easy

My Mother

As the first day of school creeps up  upon us, and we are getting them ready for back to school, I found it depressing. Not only because I’m a lot like my mother and want my children home all the time with me, like she did. Oh, of course they drive me batty and I feel at times they are going to drive me out of my cotton picking mind! I dreaded the so called back to school shopping! Why did I dread the back to school shopping this year? Could it be because my son was 16 and the price and style of clothes for that age was ridiculous? Then I have my daughter who is 10 and is doing Cyber School. Did she really need to go back to school shopping?  What did she need clothes for if she was going to be home? I guess she didn’t need clothes, if I want her to walk around the house nude! It was then I thought….. I’m a stay home mom! What do I need clothes for? It’s not the fact of getting up and having to go out in public! It’s the fact and idea, that you start your day off getting up, getting dress, brush your teeth, etc! After I just spent $230 at Ikea to make my daughter a work station for her first year of Cyber School! I know needed to go back to school clothes shopping! Of, course I did. How would that have been fair if I told my son he couldn’t get new clothes for back to school, but I could spend $230 for a work station for my daughter! So, off to school shopping we went. As we are American Eagle, my son is picking out his back to school clothes. My son isn’t bad when it comes to picking out his clothes and doesn’t walk around in the style clothes that most of these young kids walk around in! I am a proud mom of both my kids, when it comes to their dressing style. Sure, they may where a shirt with a team, musical artist, saying, etc I don’t like, but if that’s worst they can do…. I’m all for it! As my son started his first day on the 26th of August and I had to take my daughter to meet her Cyber teacher, and don’t drive. It was then that it hit me! It wasn’t that I dreaded back to school shopping. I dreaded it because, back to school shopping was something I did with my mother, and not only did we do it together, it was her who bought whatever it was that the kids needed! I didn’t dread meeting my daughter’s teacher, just because it seem like an inconvenience. It was because it was something my mother and I would have done together, and we had a way to and from! It’s been 2 years on August 10th 2013 that my beloved mother had gained her Angel wings, and it wasn’t until then, that I realized how easily she made my life. Don’t ever think that after you are grown, married, and have children of your own, you will no longer need your mother, because that simply is not true! I am 40 years old and I think I need my mother more now then I ever had in my childhood years!